Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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