So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
