my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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