I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
