I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
