I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
