sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
