There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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