goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
