to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
