really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
