before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
