It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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