she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
