So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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