Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
