its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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