if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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