I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Even my vagina gasped.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
