my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
