So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
