you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
