There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
