I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I checked into jail on foursquare
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All the doctor said was why
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
