when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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