Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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