i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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