You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
