My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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