Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think my moral compass just broke
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
