PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
