I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
