Apparently you make a good broom.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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