I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
