So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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