do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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