I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
