From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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