i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
