Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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