so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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