i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
