if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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