She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
vagina is talking i cant
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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