Banned from zoo.
Again?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
