Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
