and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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