Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
