we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
