i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
