Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
