He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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