You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
