she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
