He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
